Field report: The straitjacket and unexpected security
It was one of those days when the walls of my cell seemed tighter and the shadows darker. The constant tension, the constant noises and the feeling of loneliness had turned into an uncontrollable whirlwind in my head. I knew I was on the verge of losing control. But when the guards came to put me in a straitjacket for my own safety, I couldn’t help but resist them.
The moment the jacket was strapped around me was terrifying. My arms were pulled across my chest and the jacket was strapped tightly around my body, making any movement impossible. The feeling of confinement was immediately overwhelming, as if I was being spun into a cocoon from which there was no escape. My breathing quickened, my heartbeat pounded in my ears. Panic gripped me.
But after the first agonizing minutes, something unexpected began to happen. The confines of the straitjacket, which had panicked me at first, began to offer a strange kind of comfort. It was as if the jacket calmed my restless thoughts and my restless movements. The jacket’s firm embrace prevented me from hurting myself and forced me to become still.
In this enforced stillness, I found a strange form of comfort. The jacket held me tight and secure, giving me structure in a world that had spun out of my control. It was as if I was in a protective shell, shielding me from the storms in my own head. The pressure of the jacket became a constant, reassuring feeling that reminded me that I was not alone, even if it was only the material of the jacket that surrounded me.
Over time, I began to see the straitjacket not as an instrument of punishment, but as a form of security. It offered me a break from my own destructive thoughts and actions. It forced me to stop, breathe and perceive the world around me differently. In the silence and confinement of the jacket, I found a moment of peace, something I had been missing for a long time.
When the guards finally came to release me, I felt both relief and a strange kind of loss. The jacket was unfastened, and my arms felt free again, but also somehow unprotected. The protection of the jacket was gone and reality returned. But the experience had changed something in me. I had learned that even in the darkest moments, in the tightest and most frightening situations, it is possible to find a spark of security and peace.
The straitjacket had shown me that safety and security can sometimes come from the most unexpected sources. And while I hope never to be in that situation again, I will never forget how I found a moment of peace in the enforced silence and confinement.